Basic Bitch Mom Jeans

The Yarn:

Urban dictionary defines the term "Basic Bitch" as: Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes. She is tragically/laughably unaware of her utter lack of specialness and intrigue.

In the yarn world, super wash merino nylon is absolutely the basic bitch.  Yeah, it's durable, soft, and warm, but EVERYONE uses it without realizing there are other options.  Did you know that before the advent of yarn chemical processing people still made socks out of wool?!?!  They used downy wools that don't have scales and can't felt, wools like Southdown and Dorset and Cheviot.(http://americanfarmpublications.com/msba-debuts-new-down-type-wool/)  Super wash wools prevent felting by blocking those scales from linking by melting them away or covering them up with plastic.  Sure, it's not itchy and crunchy like those downy wools, but it's not crunchy like granola (see what I did there?).  You know what?  We can do better!

The nerdy stuff: We scoured the fiber world for a yarn where you can enjoy the benefits of modern technology without having to turn a blind eye to the chemicals and shipping waste that happens behind closed doors.  Firstly this superwash merino is US sourced and processed (+1 for reduction in shipping wastes).  The superwash process itself is Oeko-Tex compatible and, for you chemistry nerds out there, has a low water usage with a closed loop system (this means they keep track of all their chemicals and don’t have any leaking or evaporating into the environment).  The end result finds a delicate balance between a mild scale removal with a super-thin coating to reduce the processing impact and keep the wonderful wooliness.  (Side note: because the coating is thin and the scales aren’t completely removed, better to line dry and avoid heat in the washer or dryer otherwise you may get mild felting).  For those of you worried about biodegradability, time for some surprising education: superwash wool actually biodegrades in the environment faster than regular wool! (https://iwto.org/study-confirms-wool-fibres-readily-biodegrade-in-marine-environments/)  What about the nylon?  Well to get the durability in conjunction with merino you unfortunately need it to blend with something a bit stronger, so the yarn we chose utilizes just 20% CashStyle nylon fiber.  CashStyle adds to the softness while making it strong enough for socks.  All this together means you can get soft yarn that you can throw in the wash without having to swallow too much guilt…even if it is a bit basic.

All the proceeds will be going to an indie dyer who tries to get you fiber gremlins to think differently about your fiber choices. Seriously, there are all sorts of soft, fluffy, durable yarns that will give you some serious underground cred.  We’ve got your back this time with a better version of superwash merino nylon, but maybe next time you will think twice about passing on that yarn base you've never heard of.

Too Long, Didn’t Read:

• Superwash Merino Nylon is the basic bitch of the yarn world.
• We have one that is at least more environmentally friendly than most (even if a little basic).
• Machine wash cold, air dry, so you can probably trust your spouse to not screw up washing these socks.

The Colorway:

Mom jeans.  The classic uniform of early 90s moms and their teenage daughters, constantly derided for being not “sexy” thanks to the high waisted, baggy fit.  Let me tell you though, moms are, by definition, sexy.  Strength is sexy, like the strength necessary to take care of children (both young and old).  What is more sexy than the comfort and warmth of an embrace when you are weak and vulnerable?  Moms are so sexy Oedipus committed murder and named a complex in honor of the sexyness of moms (disclaimer: don’t take history lessons from a yarn sales page).  Moms, including but not limited to biological, adopted, surrogate, and foster, are all sexy (but shitty moms…shitty moms aren’t sexy).  Add the fact that the high waist allows actually functional pockets and one has to wonder why “mom jeans” aren’t cool but cargo pants get a pass (looking at you Kim Possible). (https://www.google.com/search?q=kim+possible+animation)  So today, with 90s fashion back in style (at least for now), let us celebrate these bastions of comfort with a colorway that harkens back to a time when you didn’t need to carry an extra bag just to keep your keys with you (although, the pockets were still too small for your cell phone). https://parade.com/5457/iraphael/the-evolution-of-the-cell-phone/  Bonus points to anyone who knits actual mom jeans out of this.

Why are these together?

Thanks to the cycle of fashion, those mom jeans that used to be unpopular are now actually a fucking category on “fashionable” stores like American Eagle (https://www.ae.com/us/en/c/women/jeans/mom-jeans/cat8230077), Nordstrom (https://www.nordstrom.com/browse/women/clothing/jeans/mom-jeans), and there’s even a article on NY Magazine actually ranking the top 10 (https://nymag.com/strategist/article/best-mom-jeans.html).  What’s worse, these new releases seemed to have missed the god-damned point and made them tight and “pre-distressed”.  I know my mom wouldn’t have let me buy $155 jeans with holes in the knees!  Be yourself! Go to the thrift store and pick up actual retro mom jeans for $5 and distress them by actually wearing them.  Not doing so sounds pretty Basic Bitch to me.  

With much hate and love, remember to Speakeasy.